#48 session

Holy crap.  I think I'm onto something.

Yesterday and today I refined my 'fudging' method.  What I do now is I fixate on the green circle with my normal eye and drift the lazy eye image to the right so that it crosses over.  This means that the lazy eye is actually moving to the left so that if someone looked at me with a camera the lazy eye would appear exo.  As the lazy-eye image crosses over, I notice that the fixing image gets sharper.  When I move the lazy-eye image closer to the normal-eye image, it gets duller and more out of focus.  This is reliable.  So what I do is I tell myself that the fixing image is to remain sharp no matter what and then I slowly bring the lazy-eye image closer to the fixing-eye image.  When I do this, the fixing-eye image wants to get out of focus, but I resist it.

So that's sort of a new exercise that I'm doing.  I try to keep the fixing image sharp, and I move the lazy-eye image closer and back away.  It's near impossible to keep the lazy-eye image on top of the fixing-eye image while keeping both sharp.  It is extremely strenuous.  But with concentration, I can get both of the images close to one another while keeping both sharp.

It reminds me a bit of the kind of strenuousness that I encountered on the first day of light tube exercises.  After my first session, I could not reproduce the same pain and stress.  I think of that first session as a primer that broke the seal and allowed me to fix hypertropia.  I imagine what will happen now is that as time goes on, and with practice, I'll be able to continually get both of the images closer to one another while keeping them sharp.  Eventually both images will be fully accommodated while fusing.  I suppose at that point I will be fixed?  Again, fuck if I know.  This whole journey for me can be very well represented by the scene in the movie ET in which ET follows the trail of M&Ms that Elliott leaves out for him.  Is the trail of M&Ms going to lead me to nirvana?  I don't know... but CANDY.

I'll tell you one thing.  My vision does seem to be improving.  Once I started refining my fudging method, the progress seems to have accelerated.  When I went out for a walk last night, I noticed that diverging was significantly easier than before.  Also, when I was playing the Battlefield 3 campaign in stereo for the fourth time last night, I noticed significantly more visual information coming in on the left-hand side.  There was a bit of 'whoa'.