Progress is crawling, but still steady (may need to bust out the electrodes)

I'm still noticing continual improvement, but I've got my eye on the objective markers (distance between double images, and difference in accommodation for different eyes).  Make no mistake, my vision is now at the best place it's ever been.  But there's still quite a bit of work to do.  I may get back into reading again, but doing so with electrodes strapped on my occipital lobes (tDCS).

Haven't used it in a while, but there is definitely scientific studies behind it which suggest it may help with making changes to one's visual system, so I'm curious to see whether this has any impact.  It sounds a little crazy to run current through your head in this way, but it's only about 2 milliampers, which is the amount of current that's going through your head at any given moment anyway.  Plus, the US military uses tDCS to save time on training people by increasing the effectiveness of their brains.  The US military definitely wouldn't do anything dangerous to its own people, right?

Things are definitely happening (not much to say other than that)

 It's a feeling.  I'm sitting here, watching Youtube on my TV, noticing the felt changes in my vision.  There's not much to say, but I still document things like this.

Had a psychedelic experience on Friday

 I was just watching TV and I noticed that I had a new kind of control over accommodation.  It felt like there was a little man behind my eyes that was kind of marionetting my eyes, and he was kind of rolling over from one eye to another, and I could control him.  Depending on which eye he was behind was that eye that had focus.  What was different was how much it tangible and real it felt like.  Like I had gained a new faculty and I had gained new degrees of freedom with my vision.  Surely, this is progress.  I noticed it was working still when I wasn't just watching TV, but also switch from one object to another.  I could feel the man, and control him as though he was an extension of myself: another appendage that I gained access to. 

Huge improvement since last month

It's been a month since last update.  Still things are improving at quite a brisk clip.  I haven't been reading much lately.  I need to get back to it.  Still plenty of VR.  I do notice incrementing resolution of depth perception.  Like, the depth info I'm able to get from binocularity is increasing, particularly when doing VR games... like upclose, as in looking at the rear of the M4 rifle.  Also, the difference in accommodation for each eye is coming close to being the same when reading.  I'm not sure how much time I have left.  I am surprised by how slow and continuous the process is. 

Holy carp, Zeno's paradox

Vision is still improving a lot lately.  It's just amazing how much work I find there is remaining.  As much progress as I make, it seems I am always underestimating how much work there is to do.

 I had an interesting and somewhat anxiety-inducing experience the other day when driving home from yoga.  As I was driving from the service road onto the highway I had the sensation of my vision closing in on me.  Yes, it's partly that the double images are coming closer to one another, but it was more than that.  It was the way they were coming together.  It was effortless.  It wasn't just the double image, but the whole field--including the periphery of the lazy eye--was coming in.  

That's another crazy thing about our vision... is the peripheral vision, and all the work (particularly the overlap of the peripheral vision of each eye--which I suspect is the essence of stereopsis) does for us.  I remember that's one thing Susan Barry talked about when she recovered stereopsis: was that one of the breakthrough exercises she did was one which involved developing her peripheral vision.

Compared to her... I'm really just winging it.  It's hard to compare the two.  It took her one year, god bless her.  It took me 12 years.  She had a world-renowned vision therapist.  She's also a very well connected academic and neuroscientist (and most likely she's a genius--I'm neither of those things).  I had few vision therapists here and there, and I found myself dubious about their claims of their abilities to help my situation.

At this point, I can't really say that I'm winging it.  It really took me about ten years to figure out what the hell I was doing.  That's kind of how long it took me.  

It was an extremely long journey, and I'm glad I never gave up, because it wasn't ever really just about vision.  I wanted to know if I could do it, and I wanted to learn about the learning process, because I'm a giant nerd.  In doing so, I've learned a lot about learning.  And this has undoubtedly changed the way I approach problems and learning new skills generally.  We really are moist robots (maybe some more than others).  I think if you think of yourself that way and really know the truth of this, and really try to stage your meat machine in the right way, you'll be greatly empowered to live a life that you're happy and satisfied with.

Making steady and fast progress. Getting antsy.

 Things are going splendidly.  I just got done with a long neighborhood walk, was looking around the house, surprised by the recent changes I'm noticing.  Diplopia is lessening still.  Things are still moving and improving qualitatively at a regular and brisk clip.  Things have not slowed down.  I just wonder how much more time it will take, and whether further progress will require changes to the current regimen of 'special' reading (can't really call it 'special' reading any longer, as it's become a habit), plus VR.  

How much more time will it take?  I've been thinking that... and what will happen when I hit the threshold where the coordination and corresponding input is so good that the eyes are both 100% on all of the time. 

It's kind of a scary thought.  And it should be coming soon.  As said, this train ain't stopping.  I kind of think all I need to do is just keep going, and eventually the coordination will be perfect, and both eyes will be eventually on 100%.  Will it be a smooth ramp?  Will it go from 50, to 60, to 70, to 80, to 90, to 95, to 98 percent?  Or will it go from 50, to 90,  to 100% in a matter of days?  I don't know.  I will have to find out.  

I mention this because I was thinking about an experience I had in April where it felt like both of the eyes were 100% on, but for only an instant.  It was incredibly jarring.  Even though it was only for an instant, it gave me a jolt, and it made me realize how different my vision really is from the vision of normal people.  The impression that I'm getting is that going from my vision to full stereo is going to be incredibly shocking and overwhelming.  It is a very, very different way of seeing.  

And this lines up 100% with what people have said about transitioning from stereoblindness to full stereoscopic vision.  It is a very interesting thing reading  the accounts of people who went from stereoblindness to full stereoscopic vision (whether they achieved their goals with vision therapy, or surgery).  Reason it's on my mind is because it feels like I'm getting so close.  It's getting very real to me now. 

Stupid observation

I recently noticed the double images for the right eye are pretty close to parity now with the left eye--in terms of size, power, but also sharpness--accommodation.  And it seems that the more my vision improves generally, the more in-sync the accommodation is--where it's getting to the point where both eyes are pointing at the same spot in space while simultaneously being able to accommodate down on the object which is the object of attention.  

Well, no shit, right?  Kind of seems obvious--that this is the way it has to be--this is the end goal.  It can't be said that I have normal vision unless my visual system is doing this.  

It seems this is what my exercises are doing, particularly the reading.  I'm focusing on one side, and then 'switching' to the other--but each time it's a little less switching.  And I can kind of use my focus while reading so that I can really get the most out of the workout by really squashing my eyes down on the text with both eyes.  I think each cycle with which I'm doing this is keeping both eyes on more and more, so that, in time, there will be no switching.

Progress is still occurring at a pretty rapid clip.

My dioplopia (double vision) is basically gone

Not entirely.  It's there... almost 100% of the time.  It's just... mostly unnoticeable--because the double images are so close to one another. 

About two weeks ago or so I was very excited by the fact that the double images for far away objects were very close to one another.  Now, they're basically on top of one another.  The double vision is gone. 

It's an extremely exciting time for me.   This is, by far, the most exciting time in my life.  My nervous system is about to get a giant upgrade.  And it will be a permanent upgrade that I will have for the rest of my life.  Even when I'm a crusty 70-year old, I will be a crusty 70-year old who has stereopsis, and who has way better vision than he had when he was 13 years old. 

My vision has improved so much, it's amazing.  Objects are so vivid.  I still don't have stereopsis, but I feel that it is coming.  Maybe 2-3 more months--maybe sooner.  I feel like things are accelerating, due to the fact that I no longer have visual conflict: my eyes are now basically pointing at the same spot in space.  Now my brain is able to say 'hey, we can use this input now'.  So now the circuit is widening to allow in more information from the lazy eye.  I think the binocular neurons are getting primed, and are now taking up more real estate in the brain.  

In the past few days I've noticed some significant ringing in my ears.  This is tinnitus.  I've always had some small level of tinnitus, and it gets louder and quieter at certain points in my life.  I think this is normal.  It's a natural consequence of the way our brains work.  Basically, it's 'noise' from neurons that are nearby the auditory neurons.  I wonder if all of the activity and rewiring my brain is doing right now is causing it.  

Man, I want to nap.  But I told a friend I'd meet her for dinner soon... this is unbelievably exciting.  It's almost unbearable. 

A lot is in motion right now

 Things are moving fast.  I got a lot of sleep last night, and yet still I'm tired.  I think a lot is going on in the brain at the moment.  I'm finding that I'm able to get rid of the diplopia almost at will at this point.

When playing Pavlov VR, I'm noticing depth on certain close objects particularly on the rear of the M4 rifle.  Reading has gotten a lot of easier.  Things are moving fast. 

Still making rapid progress with reading and VR

 The way I know I'm making progress is with the changed disparity in the double images for objects that are far away (like, as in infinity where the eyes' lines of direction should be nearly parallel to one another).  Also, when I change from one object to another, the double images are getting closer to one another--still.  

Recently, I've been reading a biography about Steve Jobs.  What an asshole maniac that guy was.  But also a fascinating read.  Weird that a guy that so many people look up to in pop-culture was, in fact, a giant piece of shit.  Of course, that's not the full story.  But it is hard to go through a page without thinking to myself 'Man this guy is a dick.'.  Anyway... as I  continue writing this on my Macbook. 

My reading has indeed improved quite a bit.  It seems that if I read over a certain number of hours (like two, for instance) within a single sitting, the diplopia goes away.  I'll notice this, while simultaneously realizing that I am indeed reading in the correct way as well.  It seems there is a bit of a ramp-up period that I need in order to get to this place, and with each sitting (after rest) this ramp-up period gets less and less.  This is learning: real and actual improvement.  

It seems like as I get better at reading, I find new ways to improve.  I feel like being sure that I'm using both eyes on each line read slowly brought the eyes closer to parity with one another, and more integrated in the larger system.  But still, I'm fixing with one eye at a time--or so it seems.  With this new improvement, I think the next step is going to be to slowly get closer and closer to using both eyes all of the time, without switching.  It feels like this may what is happening after the hour-or-so ramp-up period.  Where this seemed impossible before I see this as becoming more and more possible, and indeed likely--and indeed inevitable.  This is what needs to happen.  One thing at a time.  

It's weird to think that I could be focusing with a dominant eye, and then creep in control of the other eye, so that both are actually working and actively pointing at the same spot in space--and that I'm inching closer and closer to this ability.  It's weird, because using your eyes properly is a binary thing.  You're either doing it, or you're not.  You either have both of your eyes on target, even as the target moves, or you don't.  There's no halfway.  But for me, there kind of is a half-way, and indeed there must be--otherwise there would be no path for improvement and no means of getting to the end goal.  It is some weird shit.  There has to be a weird semi-control of the lazy eye where the eyes are kind of both on target--okay, they're not--but they get closer and closer to that point.  It is weird.  And yet, it is where I am.  It is where I have to be in order to get to the next level.  Splitting the attention between the eyes, and exploring the space in between--distributing the attention--building the gap, so there is no longer any switching.  There is only 'on'. 

I think this may be the final leg of my journey

 I've said it before, but this time it seems things are different.  There is a weird symmetry to things.

It seems that the exercise which is getting me over the top (reading in a careful, mindful way using both eyes) is very similar to one of the exercises mentioned in this blog at the beginning of my journey, nearly 12 years earlier (Columns exercise described by me here) which was explained to me by Heather, someone I got to know via Facebook Groups.  

 Weird.

Massive improvement this weekend

I didn't do much VT over the late part of last week.  But I had been doing quite a bit of reading the previous week due to the vagaries of my job.  I was on-call, which involves a lot of waiting around.  During that waiting time (and sometimes there are extended periods of it), I would spend that time reading.  So... probably reading on average like six hours a day.  

Well, that weekend a buddy came to visit me in Austin, TX.  We ended up to Barton Springs.  Went out to eat.  Ended up walking around Whole Foods for a bit.  When I was there, I was suddenly aware of how vivid things were, and how much more information my eyes were taking in.  It's probably due to the way those types of stores are constructed to grab attention.  It was like a sudden jump in improvement.  I actually mentioned it to him (he knows about my condition). 

It's kind of as though there was a delay in the change of the quality of my vision from all the work I had done the previous week to the change in vision that I have now.  The reading + VR is definitely working.  Holy carp, it is working.  I can also tell from the objective markers (looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the distance of the double images), as well as getting to parity between the eyes.  And then there's the subjective, which is much more powerful signal coming in from the right eye.  So both have seen massive improvement.  Very excited.  I'm expecting lots of new exciting news in the weeks to come. 

Seeing massive improvement in the past two weeks. Reading is doing a lot of lifting.

 My vision has improved a lot in the past two weeks.  As mentioned in previous entries, I think my *special* reading (read: reading correctly) has contributed a lot to the improvement I've seen in recent weeks.  

Vision therapy these days consists of reading carefully with both eyes and VR (game called Pavlov VR--essentially Counterstrike, but in virtual reality).  

Reading really helps send the signal to the brain to put the right eye to work, and really seems to be doing quite a lot in terms of getting the eyes close to parity with one another (in terms of accommodation and signal power).  Then VR helps (I think) with integration through high-power binocular cues.  It doesn't hurt that it's also fun as hell.  

I try to read at least an hour per day.  Then on the weekends, I basically spend every spare moment I have reading--so around six hours per day on the weekends.  And as a consequence, I've seen quite a lot of improvement in reading as well as in normal everyday activity.  As mentioned in previous entries, reading correctly is a bit effortful (though it's getting easier), particularly when switching to use the right eye (because it's not as strong as the left eye). So I linger on the right eye a bit, to really stretch it and get as much info as possible.  

As a consequence of at least a month of this, this has gotten quite a bit easier (though there is still quite a lot to be gained).  My reading speed has actually improved quite a bit as a consequence of having recruited another eye.  It's freaking sweet.  I'm now doing fewer awkward saccades.  Yes, this is how normal people read.  The habit has carried into everyday activity as well.  The double images have come together quite a bit in the past few weeks, especially when I'm looking at collections of objects, on say, a countertop.  I can now almost pay attention to both images simultaneously and get details about them and almost infer depth.  It is definitely trippy.  It is definitely exciting.  The reading I do is still challenging, which tells me that there's still more to be gained by doing it.  I'm going to ride it out and see where it takes me.

How will life be different post-stereopsis?

That's how well things are going.  My vision has improved so much recently, that I'm wondering how my life will be different after I've gained stereopsis.  

One thing I've been thinking about is that I will probably be less likely to engage in risky, dangerous behavior.  This is because my nervous system will soon experience a massive upgrade, after 12 years of deliberate work.  What if I went mountain biking, took a gnarly spill, got a head injury, and somehow lost my vision that I worked so hard for?  

Heh, I recently bought one of those Onewheels, which apparently are pretty dangerous.  I'm definitely going to take it easy.  

I've always been a risktaker, especially when riding my e-bike... thing is freaking dangerous how easy it is to go fast on it.  Thank god for mineral oil disc brakes.  I think the worst thing a person can do is live a dull, boring, and uninspiring life.  We're so lucky to be alive.  I view it as a tragedy to not take risks and do interesting things with one's life: a terrible wasted opportunity.  

Now, when I have massively upgraded hardware, I am undoubtedly going to much more highly value my body and brain.  I am still going to take risks, and go for rides on the e-bike, and Onewheel.  I'll be using the helmet, as always.  But am I going to go as fast as I did pre-stereopsis?  One wonders.  Probably not.  

Damn, I'm close

It certainly feels like I'm very close to fusion.  I think that last change I made (described in previous blog entries--essentially reading books in a particular way) made a huge difference.

The activities that are really doing the heavy lifting these days are playing in VR, and reading books. 

I think they're both doing different things.  Reading books in a very careful and deliberate way really seemed to improve the vision on the right eye--like, the text has gotten bigger, and sharper--the input has just gotten better when reading text with the right eye--and make no mistake--it is a workout, which tells you something.  It's something that needed to be done.  I'm not sure by exactly what mechanism it improved--whether it improved mechanically, or neurologically--probably both.  But the improvement is indeed there.  And interestingly, I've noticed I've taken this habit of reading in this way with me in other activities--not reading books, but reading text in general--even the text I'm reading now as I write this.  That is, after all, what vision therapy is all about.  If you do vision therapy exercises, and don't use the knowledge you've gained through them and apply them in the daily routine, then it's sort of all for nothing.  

And indeed I did have a strange and unusual experience a few days ago when the right eye input was actually better than it was on the left eye.  Man.  The visual system is so weird.  What a trip.   

So I think the reading is really my brain yanking my right eye and telling it to get to work.

And then playing in virtual reality does another thing, which is integrating the input of both eyes.  There's something about the input and high-power stereo cues one gets from playing in VR that really helps with integrating input from both eyes.  

Anyway.  I'm amazed at how much recent improvement I've seen.  It's really.. I don't have fusion yet, but it's trippy because I can see objects from both angles now, and the double images are coming pretty close.  Particularly notable is that this is true for objects even when I switch from one place to another--like, I have pretty good coordination.  So... it's all very exciting.  I mean, I'm excited.  

It feels like I'm on the last leg of the journey

 Man.  It's something about the reading exercises that I'm doing that feels like it's going to take me over the top and get me to fusion and stereopsis.  Things are really different now.  The vision feels different, and much improved, and the progress feels accelerated. 

Comedian Neal Brennan uses Vivid Vision for his lazy eye

Whoa... this kind of knocked my socks off when listening to the conversation between Joe Rogan and Neal Brennan on Joe's podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience. He talks about it around 1 hour 20 minutes in episode #1823.

Neal Brennan, for those who don't know, is a famous comedian/writer, who's done a lot of writing for Dave Chappelle on Chappelle's Show.



You may recognize him if you're familiar with the comedy business. Significant exotropia aside, he's a pretty weird looking dude. It's a good argument for being funny if you want to be successful with the ladies.

I've always noticed this about him when looking at his pictures. I was like, 'yeah, that guy does not have 3d vision. No way.'. There are a lot of famous people who have this condition. I think he's maybe had it his entire life, because that's the only way I've ever seen him.

But in the podcast he began talking about it, and talking about doing vision exercises with an Oculus Rift, and doing exercises which involve picking fruit, and which force you to use both eyes. When he said that, I was like 'Crap! I know exactly what game he was talking about!'. I remember playing that game (along with a number of others) doing some QA work for Vision Vision. Crazy the reach those guys at Vivid Vision have. Famous amblyopes are using Vivid Vision. So interesting.

Neal talked about his experience of stereoblindness and thinking that everyone saw the way that he saw, but when his condition was described to him by an eye doctor he was like 'That's what I have!'. Same. Then he described the exercises, and how he's seen improvement already. He talked about how he's got like 1.5 eyes, and how his exercises are effectively turning on his lazy eye. Yup. And then he described that as he continues, the two images will eventually fuse. Yup. Just interesting seeing a famous public person talking about what I've been talking about in this blog for the past ten years.

Man. Vivid Vision. They were definitely pioneers. James Blaha invented virtual reality-based vision therapy. He's a great example of what Peter Thiel recommends about entrepreneurship in his book Zero to One: try to have a monopoly. Don't do what everyone is doing. Do something completely different, create a new arena, and then dominate that arena. I'm guessing James and Vivid Vision is now balling out of control. And if they're not, they're certainly poised to be.

If your workouts aren't challenging and work-intensive, you're probably not achieving anything

I just thought of that, because I couldn't help but notice the relationship between the change in the quality of my vision with the challenge and difficulty level of the exercise of my new workout regimen: reading books.  

Maybe 'difficulty' isn't the right word.   It's really just attention and work when I shift over from left to right when I read pages.  The left eye image is quite a bit stronger still.  So when I switch over to the right eye, I can't immediately get all of the text.  I have to sit there, and linger there a second and really turn up the power in order to absorb all the text within one saccade by leveraging the peripheral vision.  This does seem to make a big difference.  

Man, I've come so far, it's unbelievable.  I remember I used to avoid reading for the longest time, because my eyes had this 'stickiness' when I read books for long periods of time, like they would want to stay converged.  This issue appears to have gone away.  I apparently no longer having any issues with reading for long periods of time.   Indeed, it seems to only have a positive impact (provided that I'm reading the right way).

Reading books again

Reading is one of those activities that I love, and is an important part of my normal life.  An ideal day for me will consist of at least an hour of reading books--not Internet stuff, mind you.  But my non-work activities these days center around caring for my vision, and doing things that promote it.  Maybe that's a mistake.  After all, what is my end goal?  My end goal is having normal vision, and a normal life, doing the things that I naturally prefer to do.  That includes one of my favorite things: scanning pages of text, relatively close-up, for prolonged periods of time. 

Last Saturday I spent around four hours reading Douglas Murray's new book The War on the West, which is a fantastic book, by the way.  I had to tear myself away from it.  Douglas Murray is an absolutely fantastic author.  Anyhiz. 

But I found that reading it was quite work-intensive.  It was odd.  It was an interesting combination of work and pleasure.  It was pleasurable because the book is fantastic, but it was also work-intensive, because it took a lot of effort to read the book and use my eyes in the right kind of way: using both eyes.  

I've talked about this in previous entries, but when I read books and text, I'm careful to use both of my eyes.  I try to use my right eye  as I read things from the right, and the left eye as I land on the left side.  

I try to follow this advice given here by Tim Ferriss (it's really quite thought-provoking and potentially life-changing if you spend five minutes to watch the video):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeOHqI9SqOI 

I don't start at the beginning of the left, and I don't end at the very end of the right.  I try my best to use both eyes and leverage and build my peripheral vision.  I found it quite effortful because I found when I switch from left side to right side, I have to work quite hard to see the words on the right, and really strain to see on the right's periphery, because my right eye input isn't as strong as my left eye input--even now as I'm looking at my own text. 

Despite all of that, I continued.  Interestingly enough, I think this had a large positive impact on my vision for the rest of the week.  When watching TV or looking off in the distance, or with flitting my eyes from one object to another, I had to do remarkably little correction.  It was a large noticeable difference from the previous week.  Maybe going back to normal activities and living my normal life is what was needed, after all: albeit, doing normal activities in a mindful way--not the old way.  

It does take me back to one of my oldest entries about Heather showing me her Columns exercise, which was what finally brought her to stereopsis.  It's an exercise I describe here. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K49r34wN91g&list=UUl92tD7n6NCy4EQE0Alizmw&index=14&t=11s

In essence it's an exercise that forces you to use both eyes: flitting from the left column of numbers to the right column of numbers using each eye, as you do so.  You're forced to use both eyes because there's a barrier between the columns.  It's an exercise which achieves almost the same thing as the new exercise I'm doing now: reading books conscious to use both eyes as well as the periphery of each eye.  Using my left eye for the left side, and my right eye for the right side--and if you want to supercharge the results, try to use the in-between areas, by using the peripheral vision.  It is quite a workout.  I think this will be fruitful, and perhaps take me to my end goal. 

Seeing massive improvement today

This is very exciting.  The best part of this is that these changes that I'm now experiencing on a near-daily basis are lasting permanent changes.  It's not as though I've taken a drug that will wear off as time goes on.  Things are going to keep improving until the day finally arrives.

It's almost disorienting a bit as the double images approach parity, as though I don't know which one to use.  But it is quite interesting and stimulating and noticeable when I'm navigating an area where there are a bunch of 3d objects and I can notice how they appear, and see them from different angles simultaneously along with parallax cues.  I do feel quite a bit of gratitude that I get to have this experience--as well as the fact that it's not happening too fast.

Regret

I've been thinking about regret lately: regret about a huge amount of time that may have been wasted because I never tried out another vision therapist.  

Okay, I did kind of have two vision therapists.  One was at Aspire Vision for about a year.  Then another was Tuan Tran.  I did not take Tuan's advice.  His advice was that I should get some prism glasses, which would make it easier for me to achieve fusion.  This would then cause my brain to prefer fusion even more, which would then cause my brain to straighten out the eyes.  That's a well known principle in vision therapy.  It's referred to as the sensory fusion approach to vision therapy.

The reason I'm thinking about this now, is because I've bulldozed my way to the currently point where I am, where it's kind of as though I'm using prisms.  My eyes have improved so much through an unreasonable amount of effort and persistence that they can get their corresponding images (kind of faux fusion) on top of each other nearly all of the time.  

I've been thinking a lot that with vision therapy, you can kind of substitute technique with sheer tenacity and doggedness.  That's true with a lot of things, frankly.  Do I have regret about not getting another vision therapist and listening to them?  Kind of, and also kind of no.  I almost think the prism glasses wouldn't have helped.   Maybe they would have.  Maybe not.  But I've been burned in the past.  Of course, they can look at my situation now and say 'if you listened to me, or got a vision therapist, you could have saved a TON of time.'.  Of course.  Of course. Of course it might have.  Then, of course, it might not have.  And who pays the price if it doesn't?  It's just such a crapchute.  It is what it is. 

So do I have regret?  Not so much. 

Still making smooth and steady progress

 I'm noticing quite a bit of improvement in my vision today.  

How to explain it.  I'm starting to think about my entire vision as whole now.  I still have constant double vision, but I'm able to see it and think of it as a cohesive whole, which is very different.  I think it's something to do with the fact that when I look around, there's not much adjustment I have to do--whether it's objects far away or nearby.  

No matter how many times I say 'I think I"m going to have stereo vision in a month or two.' the progress is constant--especially in the past few months. 

Cannot justify stopping. 

Something new happened recently

Recently, the state of my vision has me thinking more and more about Zeno's Paradox.  The more improvement I make, the more distance I realize I have to still cover: the more work that still needs to be accomplished.  It sucks, kinda, but at the same time the improvement is continual, and I cannot deny it.  So I really have no choice but to keep going.  

The changes I'm experiencing are real.  Something new happened recently that never happened before.  I got a real jarring sense of what non-suppression is.  For a brief instant both eyes were fully on, or so at least that's how it appeared.  It was pretty overwhelming and overstimulating.  Then it immediately went away and I did not experience it again.  

I recall reading accounts of these types of experiences from other people: jarring and intense experiences of non-suppression when one is not accustomed to it--whether those instances of non-suppression are accompanied by stereopsis or not.  Either way, it's incredibly intense, unexpected, and overwhelming.  

It was only for an instant, but it was real and unmistakable, and it was a first.  And my vision now is definitely in a different places than it was a week ago.  Probably an indication of more changes to come.

Smoove

 

That's really all I can think of: is how smooth progress has been as of late, and how as time goes on I find questions that I had are getting answered.  Yes, the double images do come together.  Yes, as time goes on, the ability of my eyes to converge on objects both distant and near becomes easier, and much of it is done automatically, and without thinking.  It is a smooth ramp.  

Another massive improvement today

 I think I still have a ways to go, but I did notice a rather giant improvement in my vision today.  It felt like it improved quite a lot during the day.  It's a few things.  Much improved accuracy and less adjusting when switching my gaze from one thing to another, and also the way that my eyes feel when looking around.  Super exciting.  I played VR for about three hours yesterday.  Wonder if that had something to do with it.

Watching a lot of TV in my free time

 Lately, I've been watching a lot of TV in my free time to the exclusion of other things, like playing VR and working on the house.  This is because I think it is time well spent.

I spent quite a bit of time looking at people's faces, and then switching back to my thumb, and then to the window to my left, which is intermediate in distance of my thumb and the TV.  So I can switch between these objects with regularly improving accuracy.  The double vision is always there, but it's improving quite a bit at a regular clip.  

Really what I'm focusing on is improvement, and the feeling that is now associated with building the  muscle that is my binocular posture: wearing in the groove.  I know what the feeling is now.  It took so long to develop a sense of what it is, and now that I have it, I can't ignore it.  I just want to work on it with every spare moment and press down on it as hard as I can, until I've achieved my goals.  Now that I know what to do, it's hard for me stop doing it, and it's hard to me to justify spending my time doing other things.

I'm still experimenting a lot with the different ways in which I look at the TV, and really trying to focus through both eyes.  It's pretty tricky, because the two eyes are not equal.  The left eye input is a still a bit bigger and clearer, but perhaps this is stretching things, and getting me closer.  When I split my attention between the eyes it does feel good, and this is what I'm using as a guide.  I still do play a fair bit of VR, and I've noticed the 3d effects are getting much more powerful as a consequence of these exercises, decreased suppression, and improved gaze accuracy.

Extremely excited

 There's not much to say, really.  Just that I'm really, really excited about what's happening now. 

Wow, it feels like fusion is imminent

In terms of the quality of my vision from yesterday to today, I've seen quite a large leap.  

It's just... in previous entries I've talked about doing what 'feels good'.  Well, I've been noticing that I'm able to do that a lot.  I just picked up some food while driving, and my vision felt really good.  It's this 'feeling good' doing something that I'm not quite accustomed to, but which I'm getting more and more accustomed to as I wear the groove.  And the double images were much closer together (by quite a bit) than ever before.  Those two things together: that feel-good vision, and double images that are so much closer than ever before... has me excited and anxious.  The 'feel-good' is a good guide, I find.  Certainly applies to more than vision therapy.  

Fusion feels imminent.  What's going to happen when it does?  Is 3d going to 'pop-in' as I hope it does?  We're going to find out.  

Oh yeah, the double images are gaining parity.  That's what I really care about: not, per se, having super vision on both eyes, but to have both eyes be equal.  Left eye is a bit better (seems larger, and clearer) still... but... who knows.  We'll see how important that is in a bit.

What am I up to? | more

When I say that I've been watching TV, I actually mean Youtube.  Lots of good shit on there.  But I don't passively watch it.  I'm doing vision therapy while watching.  That's the entire point: paying close attention to my vision and the way that it feels, and trying to get it so I hit the sweet spot where it 'feels good', and I know that I'm doing something right with the vision.

What am I up to?

I've been watching a lot of TV a fair bit these days instead of reading books or playing games in VR. I've been doing this because I've been noticing that it's easy to do vision therapy while watching TV.   

A conversation comes to mind: one that I had with Heather probably eight years ago or so.  She's someone who was born stereoblind, like myself, but who gained stereopsis through vision therapy.  I've talked about her quite a bit in the past.  She's actually the reason for this blog and it's why this blog is called Vision Therapy With Syntonics even though I haven't done Syntonics in a LONG time.  She told me about Syntonics.  She seems to think that it did something to her brain which vastly accelerated vision therapy results.  

Anyway.  She said that one of the exercises she did was called Columns, which you have a sheet with columns of letters with a cardboard divider.  You would switch from one eye to another while reading the columns going from the outside to the inside.  I actually made a crappy video explaining it here.  It's quite nice. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K49r34wN91g&t=4s

She said that this was the exercise she was doing when her vision really began to come in.  She said that when she did the exercise that 'it felt good'.  

That's what I've been thinking about.  Now, when I know when I'm doing things with my vision that's productive.  It feels good.  That's the feeling I have when I am able to produce good binocular posture when watching TV these days, and that's why I've been choosing this activity over others as of recent.

More huge improvement this week

Even just now.  It almost feels like I have normal vision now.  The double vision images are very close together.  At some point (maybe a few months or so), they will likely fuse.  It will be a day when that happens.

It's a little funky.  I would have thought that as my eyes gain parity with one another that it would become harder to improve, because the improvement would be harder to find.  The opposite turns out to be the the case.  

As I improve and as the muscle grows, improvement becomes easier: because my sense of what binocular posture is is continually growing.  Initially, it began as nothing, as a spec--as an microscopic blastocyst.  However, over time, it just grew.  And grew, and grew.  Now it's as large as it has ever been, and my skills, and my resolution of the problem are at the highest place ever, making it easier to nitpick, and notice little issues as they present themselves, so I can easily direct my attention to them and squash them in their place. 

In the past few weeks, the most excitement-generating developments have been in the objective markers of improvement: such as cosmetics (the appearance of my eyes, for instance), and the disparity and distance of how far apart the double images are.  It's kind of like a back-and-forth deal.  One week it might be objective markers generating excitement.  The next week it will be subjective markers of improvement: I'll suddenly notice improved depth perception, or increased brightness, and field of vision.

Back on the keto wagon

 I've seen some real huge improvements that were particularly noticeable on Friday, and today when I was playing VR.  About in the past two weeks I suddenly kicked back into keto mode again.  

For years I thought I was doing the ketogenic diet, but I suddenly realized I wasn't.  I talk a bit about it here in this blog entry.  

http://worldofwono.blogspot.com/2022/01/95-of-people-who-think-theyre-doing.html

Basically, I kind of accidentally made some meals that have much more fat than usual.  After I did that, keto came back in, and all of the beneficial effects came back in.  Easier breathing, rapid weight loss (I dropped two belt notches in two weeks), improved cognitive function and mood, and perhaps most importantly improved vision.  I've talked quite a bit about ketogenic diets and vision therapy in previous entries.  Unfortunately, I lost a lot of vision therapy time thinking that I was in ketosis when I actually wasn't.  It sucks because the vision does improve a lot when in ketosis.  I don't know if it's just for the duration of the time I spend when I'm in ketosis, or if it actually makes vision therapy more effective.  I kind suspect it's both.