Things are moving fast. I got a lot of sleep last night, and yet still I'm tired. I think a lot is going on in the brain at the moment. I'm finding that I'm able to get rid of the diplopia almost at will at this point.
When playing Pavlov VR, I'm noticing depth on certain close objects particularly on the rear of the M4 rifle. Reading has gotten a lot of easier. Things are moving fast.
The way I know I'm making progress is with the changed disparity in the double images for objects that are far away (like, as in infinity where the eyes' lines of direction should be nearly parallel to one another). Also, when I change from one object to another, the double images are getting closer to one another--still.
Recently, I've been reading a biography about Steve Jobs. What an asshole maniac that guy was. But also a fascinating read. Weird that a guy that so many people look up to in pop-culture was, in fact, a giant piece of shit. Of course, that's not the full story. But it is hard to go through a page without thinking to myself 'Man this guy is a dick.'. Anyway... as I continue writing this on my Macbook.
My reading has indeed improved quite a bit. It seems that if I read over a certain number of hours (like two, for instance) within a single sitting, the diplopia goes away. I'll notice this, while simultaneously realizing that I am indeed reading in the correct way as well. It seems there is a bit of a ramp-up period that I need in order to get to this place, and with each sitting (after rest) this ramp-up period gets less and less. This is learning: real and actual improvement.
It seems like as I get better at reading, I find new ways to improve. I feel like being sure that I'm using both eyes on each line read slowly brought the eyes closer to parity with one another, and more integrated in the larger system. But still, I'm fixing with one eye at a time--or so it seems. With this new improvement, I think the next step is going to be to slowly get closer and closer to using both eyes all of the time, without switching. It feels like this may what is happening after the hour-or-so ramp-up period. Where this seemed impossible before I see this as becoming more and more possible, and indeed likely--and indeed inevitable. This is what needs to happen. One thing at a time.
It's weird to think that I could be focusing with a dominant eye, and then creep in control of the other eye, so that both are actually working and actively pointing at the same spot in space--and that I'm inching closer and closer to this ability. It's weird, because using your eyes properly is a binary thing. You're either doing it, or you're not. You either have both of your eyes on target, even as the target moves, or you don't. There's no halfway. But for me, there kind of is a half-way, and indeed there must be--otherwise there would be no path for improvement and no means of getting to the end goal. It is some weird shit. There has to be a weird semi-control of the lazy eye where the eyes are kind of both on target--okay, they're not--but they get closer and closer to that point. It is weird. And yet, it is where I am. It is where I have to be in order to get to the next level. Splitting the attention between the eyes, and exploring the space in between--distributing the attention--building the gap, so there is no longer any switching. There is only 'on'.
I've said it before, but this time it seems things are different. There is a weird symmetry to things.
It seems that the exercise which is getting me over the top (reading in a careful, mindful way using both eyes) is very similar to one of the exercises mentioned in this blog at the beginning of my journey, nearly 12 years earlier (Columns exercise described by me here) which was explained to me by Heather, someone I got to know via Facebook Groups.
Weird.
I didn't do much VT over the late part of last week. But I had been doing quite a bit of reading the previous week due to the vagaries of my job. I was on-call, which involves a lot of waiting around. During that waiting time (and sometimes there are extended periods of it), I would spend that time reading. So... probably reading on average like six hours a day.
Well, that weekend a buddy came to visit me in Austin, TX. We ended up to Barton Springs. Went out to eat. Ended up walking around Whole Foods for a bit. When I was there, I was suddenly aware of how vivid things were, and how much more information my eyes were taking in. It's probably due to the way those types of stores are constructed to grab attention. It was like a sudden jump in improvement. I actually mentioned it to him (he knows about my condition).
It's kind of as though there was a delay in the change of the quality of my vision from all the work I had done the previous week to the change in vision that I have now. The reading + VR is definitely working. Holy carp, it is working. I can also tell from the objective markers (looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the distance of the double images), as well as getting to parity between the eyes. And then there's the subjective, which is much more powerful signal coming in from the right eye. So both have seen massive improvement. Very excited. I'm expecting lots of new exciting news in the weeks to come.
My vision has improved a lot in the past two weeks. As mentioned in previous entries, I think my *special* reading (read: reading correctly) has contributed a lot to the improvement I've seen in recent weeks.
Vision therapy these days consists of reading carefully with both eyes and VR (game called Pavlov VR--essentially Counterstrike, but in virtual reality).
Reading really helps send the signal to the brain to put the right eye to work, and really seems to be doing quite a lot in terms of getting the eyes close to parity with one another (in terms of accommodation and signal power). Then VR helps (I think) with integration through high-power binocular cues. It doesn't hurt that it's also fun as hell.
I try to read at least an hour per day. Then on the weekends, I basically spend every spare moment I have reading--so around six hours per day on the weekends. And as a consequence, I've seen quite a lot of improvement in reading as well as in normal everyday activity. As mentioned in previous entries, reading correctly is a bit effortful (though it's getting easier), particularly when switching to use the right eye (because it's not as strong as the left eye). So I linger on the right eye a bit, to really stretch it and get as much info as possible.
As a consequence of at least a month of this, this has gotten quite a bit easier (though there is still quite a lot to be gained). My reading speed has actually improved quite a bit as a consequence of having recruited another eye. It's freaking sweet. I'm now doing fewer awkward saccades. Yes, this is how normal people read. The habit has carried into everyday activity as well. The double images have come together quite a bit in the past few weeks, especially when I'm looking at collections of objects, on say, a countertop. I can now almost pay attention to both images simultaneously and get details about them and almost infer depth. It is definitely trippy. It is definitely exciting. The reading I do is still challenging, which tells me that there's still more to be gained by doing it. I'm going to ride it out and see where it takes me.
That's how well things are going. My vision has improved so much recently, that I'm wondering how my life will be different after I've gained stereopsis.
One thing I've been thinking about is that I will probably be less likely to engage in risky, dangerous behavior. This is because my nervous system will soon experience a massive upgrade, after 12 years of deliberate work. What if I went mountain biking, took a gnarly spill, got a head injury, and somehow lost my vision that I worked so hard for?
Heh, I recently bought one of those Onewheels, which apparently are pretty dangerous. I'm definitely going to take it easy.
I've always been a risktaker, especially when riding my e-bike... thing is freaking dangerous how easy it is to go fast on it. Thank god for mineral oil disc brakes. I think the worst thing a person can do is live a dull, boring, and uninspiring life. We're so lucky to be alive. I view it as a tragedy to not take risks and do interesting things with one's life: a terrible wasted opportunity.
Now, when I have massively upgraded hardware, I am undoubtedly going to much more highly value my body and brain. I am still going to take risks, and go for rides on the e-bike, and Onewheel. I'll be using the helmet, as always. But am I going to go as fast as I did pre-stereopsis? One wonders. Probably not.
It certainly feels like I'm very close to fusion. I think that last change I made (described in previous blog entries--essentially reading books in a particular way) made a huge difference.
The activities that are really doing the heavy lifting these days are playing in VR, and reading books.
I think they're both doing different things. Reading books in a very careful and deliberate way really seemed to improve the vision on the right eye--like, the text has gotten bigger, and sharper--the input has just gotten better when reading text with the right eye--and make no mistake--it is a workout, which tells you something. It's something that needed to be done. I'm not sure by exactly what mechanism it improved--whether it improved mechanically, or neurologically--probably both. But the improvement is indeed there. And interestingly, I've noticed I've taken this habit of reading in this way with me in other activities--not reading books, but reading text in general--even the text I'm reading now as I write this. That is, after all, what vision therapy is all about. If you do vision therapy exercises, and don't use the knowledge you've gained through them and apply them in the daily routine, then it's sort of all for nothing.
And indeed I did have a strange and unusual experience a few days ago when the right eye input was actually better than it was on the left eye. Man. The visual system is so weird. What a trip.
So I think the reading is really my brain yanking my right eye and telling it to get to work.
And then playing in virtual reality does another thing, which is integrating the input of both eyes. There's something about the input and high-power stereo cues one gets from playing in VR that really helps with integrating input from both eyes.
Anyway. I'm amazed at how much recent improvement I've seen. It's really.. I don't have fusion yet, but it's trippy because I can see objects from both angles now, and the double images are coming pretty close. Particularly notable is that this is true for objects even when I switch from one place to another--like, I have pretty good coordination. So... it's all very exciting. I mean, I'm excited.
